Bill: I love you, Amy.
Amy: I don't.
Bill: Amy, no one can ever love you more than me.
Amy: I know Bill, but I don't feel the same for you.
Bill: I can't live without you Amy.
Amy: Bye Bye Bill
Bill tried his best to explain Amy but Amy didn't understand his feelings. It happens all the time to many people. Life is unfair..
When it comes to making people love you we all do the same mistakes of giving too much importance on what we think. What you think, what you feel, your intentions are important to you but people don't judge you for your thoughts, your feelings rather they judge you for how you make them to feel.
Yes, This is the dirty truth. We all are self-centered and we all care for how we feel. If you're going out with your best pal, it is because their company makes you feel happy.
If you're quiting your job, it is because it is not making you feel good anymore.
We like to do things which makes us feel good.
Bill was rejected by Amy because he was only concerned about how he felt about Amy, his loves Amy's company but he never asked how Amy feels about him?
To make people love you, you need to shift your attention from how you feel to how you make them feel.
There are 6 must do things you should do if you want to win over people
1. Appreciate them: Now when it comes to appreciation we do another big mistake. Hey, you're beautiful!!! … such kind of appreciations are cliché. Imagine, one area of your life where you feel you're good but no one ever noticed it before. Now if someone cares to notice your that hidden quality and appreciate you for that, won't you start feeling good for that person?
(say, you're banker but you always wanted to be a writer but never dared it to tell anyone, if I appreciate your writing skills, won't it feel amazing to you?)
Appreciation works if it is genuine and if the person believes in it. Avoid superficial qualities which are more visible to everyone like you're hot, you're intelligent etc. Find areas where they were never been appreciated.
2. Make them feel Important: Dale Carnegie in his famous book “How to win friends and influence people” pointed it out that when it comes to making new relationships there is no better way than making other person feel important. Everyone wants to feel important and when you give them your uninterrupted attention to their tiny things, they just can't leave you. Give your precious attention to their words, their activities and listen to them. Make them feel that they are very important for you, no matter how much busy you are but still you have the time to listen to them. If you do so, people will love to be with you.
3. Associate with them: Often you will find people mentions about their friends, relatives who are very successful, rich, famous or beautiful. It is because when they associate themselves with them they feel good about them. Imagine, if you are walking with the most popular girl of your college and every other guys has to notice it, won't you feel good about yourself?
If you know anyone who is famous singer, won't you talk about them everytime you meet people?
People love to get associated with successful, rich, famous, beautiful people because it makes them feel good about themselves. If you have any such qualities then do provide people a chance to get associated with you. That's why people love celebrities because their association makes them feel good about themselves.
4. Be Creative: Believe it or not, we all love creativity. If you find someone from your office who plays guitar well or someone from your college who does painting well, won't you develop more affinity towards that person?
We all love art, because art and creativity help us to see our inner beauty. They make us look more beautiful, pure, graceful. We love to make friendship with people who has artistic qualities like singing, dancing, writing, poetry, painting etc. If you have such qualities then show it to people or atleast try to be creative in your thoughts and actions, it will attract people towards you.
5. Be an Inspiration: There are many people who can't provide any of the things mentioned above but still people like to be with them. It is because they empower you, they motivate you, they inspire you, they make you stronger. E,g, people like Anthony Robbins. Those kind of people always radiates out positive energy and make you feel more energetic. People like to stay with those kind of people who brings down all their problems to no problems level and make you feel that you can do anything.
6. Don't bring them down: Last but not the least, it doesn't not matter if can't provide others anything mentioned above or not but never bring them down. Never make people feel bad about themselves, never ruin their self-esteem, never make them feel that they are worthless person. If you feel you are superior then use it for your development but never use your superiority to make people inferior. If you do so then no matter how much you try, you can't make them to like you.
This article is inspired from Oliver Emberton's blog
Photo Source: nazaarsafi.blogspot.com